same story.

i suppose it feels better that all the pain that i can feel can be related in so many words... generic phrases strung together by a melody.


i remember that things really are that simple.




gracias Mirah. we're both so sorry:

"I know you didn't mean it and you're sorry that i leftI'll go right on pretending i've got nothing to regretExcept all of the times we wasted giving only second bestYou always seemed to lose the spark when i was only half undressedI drove across a sea of ice to find my own commandThe distance paid a lonesome price to see its motherlandNow if you would unbuckle sir, receive your reprimandAnd hey i'm sorry 'bout so much baby but i know you'll understandI'm sorry 'bout so much baby but i know you'll understandHow can i ever apologize? I meant you no such harmI never knew i could possess that fatal kind of charmI just wanted to be good to you but i found i was disarmedBy a lifetime of disillusionment and the distraction of the starsI abdicated now i'm just a prince without a landMy subjects all adore me but for this i had them bannedNow could i trade my guilt for a good flogging by your hand?And hey i'm sorry 'bout so much baby but i know you'll understandI'm sorry 'bout so much baby but i know you'll understandI can't understand why you refuse my one requestJust to press against my weaponry and then lay bare your chestChallenges like these can be won or lost or laid to restNow we both agree to separate from the lonely castle stepsThe kingdom is destabilized, the watchtower unmannedThe bedroom lies abandoned and the future is unplannedBut we've got the past to remind us of love chivalrous and grandAnd hey i'm sorry 'bout so much baby but i know you'll understandI'm sorry 'bout so much baby but i know you'll understand"

three. two. one...

after having lost just enough brain cells i have realized the importance of love...


it means diddly squat.. to those who are in said love..

but now my stomach lurches every time i see a couple holding hands...

it makes me sick.. but maybe not in the way i had assumed it would.


my digestive system is like a pretzel.. being beaten by thousands of little gnomes... and then eaten by a giant.

sick.

I feel sick to my stomach.

I know it was the right decision and I know I really shouldn't feel bad for making that decision because I'm so much more happier and focused... But knowing that he's hurting...

I guess I still care? I wish I didn't..

I know... I know.


I think I'm just emotionally exhausted.. I can barely make myself feel a little for my Grandfather's passing.. Which essentially hurts even more.


It feels like badgers are blindly clawing their way around my digestive system... nervous and doubtful..