dear shitty ass month

can you get any shittier? it's like your shit is shitting more shit and then stepping in some shit that some shitty dog had to shit in the middle of the sidewalk.

i'm not exaggerating much when i say my life is shit. it can be taken pretty literally.

"The education that a female child receives in Arab society is a series of continuous warnings about things that are supposed to be harmful, forbidden, shameful or outlawed by religion. The child therefore is trained to suppress her own desires, to empty herself of authentic, original wants and wishes linked to her own self, and to fill the vacuum that results with the desires of others. . . . A girl who has lost her personality, her capacity to think independently and to use her own mind, will do what others have told her and will become a toy in their hands and a victim of their decisions." -Nawal El Saadawi

interesting correlation to my own upbringing and current existence.

i feel a little lost. i'm not sure what i'm doing or what i'm doing it for, or whether it'll be worth it in the end. i've forgotten a lot over the years, and i'm not sure i can ever regain it.

what could really justify these means?

i haven't quite opened up a crack/whorehouse yet, but i like to keep my options open. where and how does my life serve a purpose? happiness isn't eternal so why do we kid ourselves?

let's make this feeling last for 30 minutes. get our money's worth.