i should have figured. he was always all talk. he blew my heart full of hot air and i rode high for a while but now...
not that it matters if he doesn't actually want to see or talk to me.
on my way to the condo i drove past the park i walked to after i discovered that he was cheating. i guess the feeling can only be described as heart wrenching.. it's the same feeling i get when i discover my mom still keeps my dad's old robe tucked away or when I hear "you are my sunshine"... some amalgam of nostalgia, heartache, and panic.
i remember how he held me and wouldn't let me go.
what was that? i don't think it was love.. maybe a sort of desperation or disbelief?
whatever it was.. it's not there anymore.. it wasn't there after i tried to walk away. but i saw a glimpse of the way i want him to love me.
i can't live with a love expressed only in aberrations.
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