i will fuck men who will never love me.
it's high time that i accept this. trouble is.. how do i know? or does that even matter? maybe no man will ever love me. that would make everything SO simple. if i just knew that. i believe it like i believe in quantum physics. i'll never really accept it...
i don't like living indefinitely. sanity requires definition.
my heart already lacks any logic. what's there to lose if my brain follows? i think my seratonin levels would skyrocket.
the trick is.. not falling in love, as absurd as that sounds.. i'm fighting eons of evolution here.
maybe it's not so much not falling in love, but making it so that this reactive chemical fiasco we call "love" doesn't really register as it does right now. i'm sure i can ignore it.. like learning to overcome my gag reflex.
he just doesn't seem to feel any remorse. and he'll never have the answers i need because he doesn't want answers. and i understand that.. it's much easier to find a person that suits him than work on making us fit.
nb these hesitations don't exist when we're fucking. how convenient.
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